Broken

I can’t handle these love songs and movies about growing old and your spouse dying! Mark Schultz’s song “Walking Her Home” has me all teary eyed right now, and if I choose to let myself, the teary eyes could turn into ugly snotty slobbering tears. But I choose not to let it tonight. I’ve cried enough today already. I wonder why these old couples get to me so much. Is it the fact that they have spent more than half of their lives together and then one of them dies and the other is left on this earth without the other? Or is it the fear that I will never find a love like that to be sad about? Or is it the fear that I will find a love like that to be sad about? Or is it because I look at my own grandparents and think about that? Or is it that I look at my parents and I can’t imagine one without the other? They take care of each other. Dad takes care of lots of practical stuff, and mom tells him when to turn… or, hehe, doesn’t tell him when to turn, and then finally tells him after he figures out that he messed up.

Church was wonderful tonight… I don’t know that anything was much different than normal, which is proof that a good part of what we get out of worship is what we bring to the table. An open heart helps. OF COURSE a church that doesn’t sound like it’s dying while it’s singing helps too. God rescued me by giving me Glad Tidings Church. I’ve just been going through hard times with being a new nurse in a new city with new friends and a new culture.

This church is so different than any that I’ve consistently ever gone too. It’s exciting and interesting to hear the same verses I’ve heard my whole life from a different view. It’s also hard. Do I agree with everything that’s said. No. But I didn’t in the denomination that I grew up in either, and so this is okay, because this church loves Jesus and the worship and teaching there is based on the Bible and is what is carrying me through right now.

One thing I like about my church is that when the preacher asks for people to respond at the end of the sermon, a good 1/3 to 1/2 of the church responds, which makes a lot more sense than maybe one person responding! We’re all broken and struggling at some point during the year if not at some point during every month or every week. So I went down front too, and the preacher… oops I mean, pastor Forrest, decided he would pray for each person tonight. Sometimes he gets people to come help and they just divide up among the people, but that’s not what we did tonight. Anyways, Pastor Tim, plays the piano and leads singing during this time, and everyone still sings or prays or whatever while this is going on. People stand, they sit, they kneel, they lie prostrate, whatever they feel they need to do. So tonight, Pastor Forrest, prayed for each person and a couple of others joined and prayed with him over each person. When Pastor Forrest got to me, and placed his hand on my back, I felt… I felt, I guess the way I can describe it is, I felt power in his touch. I haven’t ever had a feeling like that before when someone is praying for me or otherwise. I was broken tonight. And I felt power in his touch. I was still broken when I left church. But I felt power there.

My sister sent me an email the other day, one of those forwarding things, which I don’t send on, but I really like this past one, so I’ll copy and paste it here:

Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining Silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image in it." If today you are feeling the heat of the fire , remember that God has his eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you.

I liked the email, because I have always heard, "God won't let you go through more than you can handle"... but the clarification of Malachi really means a lot. That such wonderful imagery was used by God in order to describe to us just exactly how he is taking care of us and what he wants in us is awesome. God's watching us, refining us, not willing to let us be destroyed but patiently waiting on us.