Psalm 121

Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

This psalm really stuck out to me this weekend. I think it's because although I strive to be this independent young woman with an occasional "I can do anything you can do better" attitude, at the end of the day, I know that I am not actually that liberated and want desperately for someone to take care of me. I think that this comes in part from being the baby of the family and also, lots of girls want a guy to take care of them. I depend so much on my dad for advice about nearly everything. He's a good dad. He's constantly trying to make me be more independent, but I still always want to know what his opinion is, and I would love it if he would make all my business type phone calls for me and pay all my bills and take my car to get everything done to it, but he knows that I need to grow up, and so he pushes me to do the things I dread. If my dad isn't taking care of me, then I also have a big brother looking out for me. I think every girl should be lucky enough to have an older brother, because they are truly a gift from God. And, if my dad and brother aren't around, and some problem occurs that seems like something guys would know about, then I want to call my boyfriend. It's that protector role that is seemingly a guy role that I think attracts me to them for things that overwhelm me or I don't understand. If thinking about needing someone to help take care of me right now wasn't enough, I also think about how I need to have at least 2 kids in the future so I'll have someone to take care of me when I'm old. That comes to mind because of everything going on with Ganny right now. I found Psalm 121 particularly comforting this weekend, because there is someone that's going to take care of me always, right now and when I'm old. Plus, God is always going to be right there with me. I had a particularly traumatizing event happen on Thursday. As I was getting ready to leave Houston to drive to Dallas I noticed that my tires looked low on air (and that's a miracle that I would even notice that!). The traumatizing part of this is that I had to go to the service station all by myself to put more air in them. Of course this was only after several phone calls to my dad in Houston. That's the whole story... my tires needed more air, and so I put more in them. I know, I'm a dork, but I had never done that before, and I really just wanted someone to do it for me! My point is that, I had to do it myself, and I'm sure that there are going to be many more things like this as the years pass on and I may or may not have someone there to help me or talk me through it over the phone. So, I read this psalm on Saturday and it really meant a lot to me. Forget about the whole dumb tire thing now. That was an insignificant event that set me on a train of thought that took me well beyond putting air in tires. It carried me to all the places I may go and situations I might encounter in the years ahead of me. It took me to the daunting task of having to live life and try not to mess up myself or someone else too much along the way. I imagined myself in a far away country with problems bigger than tires occuring and me not knowing what to do, and I pictured myself old, losing my mind, and not being able to take care of myself anymore. But then I read Psalm 121, and felt the weight being lifted from my shoulders. It's such a simple thing, and I know I've read the psalm before, but it just meant so much to me this weekend. I don't have to worry! I don't need to have an earthly man around to protect me (although I appreciate them greatly!). God is going to give me the resources I need which may come in the form of my daddy, some stranger, another woman, or simply God holding my hand along the way and no other earthly person along for the ride. Any way he chooses to do it though, I'll be fine. So, yeah, I need to be more independent, but I get to be completely dependent on God.