SHY

In my family I’m the shy one. Seriously, I am. I know if you’re reading this and you’re not related to me then you’re thinking no way! But I have told many of you this before. I’m actually quite shy. I have to force myself to do a lot of the things I do. However, I am distinctly NOT shy if I feel like someone around me is shy. In those cases I am more than willing to step up and do whatever it is that needs to be done or said. I’m actually quite vocal in those situations. However, if I know someone else around me will do what needs to be done (like my dad) then I greatly digress… maybe that’s why there’s such a large discrepancy between my friends and family’s perceptions of me. In my family I am the baby, and so they’ll take care of me. I mean, it’s not like I’m “babied;” they actually do a great job of bullying me into being not shy, but I naturally do not what to have to be the responsible one. Now, if I’m with a bunch of friends and a phone call needs to be made or if I feel like one of them has been wronged in any way, I’m on top of the job. I’m the one that will step up and want to take care of business. My present roommate laughs at me, because I seem to end up in conversations with strangers, but she has no idea how shy I am! If she could only see my sister and brother in action! I wish that I had never met a stranger, that I could warmly engage any random person in a meaningful conversation. But I can’t… or I don’t. I suppose I could. The world is full of shier people than me, and probably a lot of them are wishing that someone would be friends with them. Actually, I’ve become quite aware of that fact ever since I graduated from ACU and even more so now that I live in a city that’s simply full of people that have recently relocated. People are starving for relationships.

I haven’t done a good job of being a part of this city since I moved here. I did for the first three months, but not since then. I travel as much as I possible can, and therefore I’m out of town A LOT. You can’t deepen friendships when you’re out of town as much as I am. I can’t really be a part of church, because I only get 2 Sundays off a month, and I’m always out of town on one of those Sundays. So, I only attend “my church” 1 Sunday a month. Of course I get to go some Wednesdays and some Fridays, but I’m not consistent in that either. I also haven’t volunteered since my first 3 months here. It’s just really hard to get involved in anything when you’re always working or traveling. But I recognized this fact about a month ago, and I’m willing to live with it for now, because I’m far away from my loved ones, and soon enough I won’t be able to travel to see them. But in the mean time, I really do miss having that church family. I really do miss having best friends living near by. I miss having family not too far away. I ache to feel comfortable when I go to church. I ache to have a place that I volunteer at regularly. But I guess right now I ache more to see my family and friends in other parts of the country and hemisphere.

I met a girl on the bus a while back. She was really nice and we exchanged numbers. She had only been in the city for 2 months, and so, probably had even fewer friends than I. Well, I dropped the ball on that one. It’s been about a month now since that encounter, and I have yet to call her to hang out. Shyness got in the way. I got the feeling on the bus that she wanted another friend even more than I do right now. She was really interesting too, and we could’ve probably been great friends, but now it feels a little awkward to call because it’s been so long. Maybe I will this coming week.

Sorry this posting was kind of a ramble… but I wanted to post because it’s been a while, and well, this is what popped out of my fingertips.

Exciting news: My roommate and I bought rollerblades and are going to go on our first rollerblade expedition EVER on Sunday afternoon! I’ll be sure to post pics! :)