There’s this issue: Is healthcare a right or a privilege? This is an ongoing debate and there are important points to be considered from both sides. However, I don’t think that the question should be “Is healthcare a right or a privilege?”
The question should be, “What can I do for you today, right now, in this moment, because you are human and I am human, and you need something, and I know how to give that to you.” It is not that person’s right or privilege, but it IS my obligation as a human being to want to provide them with a service that can drastically change their lives.
A mother brought her little boy into the clinic today. He has leukemia and is undergoing treatment right now. The medicine that she needs costs her $500 a month. She doesn’t have insurance, and she and her children are not legal. She has been able to get the medicine so far, by her own savings and by going to another free clinic, but that clinic does not have the medicine every month, and she does not have $500 just lying around all the time to use. We don’t have that medicine at Cross and Crown Mission, but we are going to try and help her. We’re going to try one way through the government, because her husband is legal, and if that doesn’t work, then God will provide a donor for this cause.
It’s just not right!!! This little boy has leukemia, and not only do his parents have to deal with what a life changing and traumatizing event this is, but they also have to search for a way to get the medicine that he needs. He has the type of leukemia that has a good prognosis, but that means nothing without the right medicine! It makes me want to scream and then cry! They shouldn’t have to worry about that too.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Monday, April 10, 2006
A Thought
You know, you hear those songs about the guy chasing the girl, and he’s all happy that he “won” her. Why do those guys feel good about having to chase the girl in the first place? Why aren’t they offended that the girl didn’t see what a good thing he was in the first place?
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Top Stories
First, on CNN headline news, they were talking about the Gay Games. Do we have Straight Games too? If we did, wouldn’t we get into trouble?
Second, there was a story where come people married two rabbits—had a ceremony and everything. Some group got mad because they thought that the people were demeaning the rabbits. Give me a break! They’re rabbits! They don’t know what’s going on!
Third, why do we have a story on headline news about some dumb rabbits getting married? I’m sure that there MUST be a story more important than that, that didn’t get aired.
Second, there was a story where come people married two rabbits—had a ceremony and everything. Some group got mad because they thought that the people were demeaning the rabbits. Give me a break! They’re rabbits! They don’t know what’s going on!
Third, why do we have a story on headline news about some dumb rabbits getting married? I’m sure that there MUST be a story more important than that, that didn’t get aired.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Super Hero
I'm 80% Superman! Go to this site and find out what super hero you are. By the way, life is good. School is good. Family is good. Boyfriend is good. Friends are good. AND, Sol's birthday is tomorrow!
Monday, March 27, 2006
Names
So, I looked up the meaning of my name, and different sites gave different meanings. They are: servant of God or to tie, to bind or to snare, and I guess to snare is the same as to tie or to bind, but tying and binding sound better than snaring. Binding makes me think of that song, “Bind us together, Lord, Bind us together, Lord with chains that cannot be broken…” or is it cord that cannot be broken? Either way, that song makes me put snare and bind in two different categories. I had a little paper thing when I was younger that said what Rebecca means, but I can’t remember what it said, but I don’t think it said any of the above. It would be exciting to me if it did in fact mean servant of God—much better than to snare. I looked up my nephew’s names too… Ashton- ash tree settlement, Haven- safe place, Gavin- little hawk, Levi- united, as one. I also looked up Sol’s, just to see if it was there, and it was! Soledad- solitary. Actually, I looked up just about all of my family’s names, some of my friends, and my boyfriend’s name and some of his family’s names. And you must be thinking, man, “To Snare” must be really bored! But, I’m not!!! I actually have a lot of studying I need to do, but suddenly, looking up names and blogging about it became very important to me. But it's okay, because I have my notebook open next to me; so it's like I'm studying... sort of.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Listening to God
The sermon today was on how God speaks to people. The first point the preacher made was that in order to hear God speak, you must first believe that God does in fact speak to people today. The second point was that in order to hear God speak you must believe that God will speak to you. So simple! But is it? I must say that I have a hard time waiting for God speak to me. I don’t like to wait. I like to just go ahead and do stuff! I guess I end up thinking that God doesn’t speak to me that much, when the case is that he probably does, but I’m just too busy not listening. I’m too busy making plans and filling my day with… well with anything but listening, but earnestly seeking what God is trying to tell me. So, I’ve been convicted! I want to listen.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Desperation
The CNN headline reads, “40 migrants drown off Africa.”
The article says, “Driven by poverty and dreams of a better life in Europe and elsewhere, thousands of Africans leave their homelands every year on hazardous clandestine journeys by land and sea. But hundreds drown or die in the attempt.”
The EU warned that immigration is a “time bomb” and of course the proposed solution to this is to form a joint Mediterranean security force to combat human trafficking, which is good because that would prevent deaths at sea, but it does nothing to fix the root of the problem, the reason why people are willing to risk their lives.
So, that’s right, it’s a time bomb. We have to keep them down. Keep them in their fenced off portion of hell on earth. Out of sight, out of mind. The condition of the human spirit so down-trodden and discouraged, that one is willing to risk his life that MAYBE, POSSIBLY he could find work in another place. Having knowledge that no matter how dismal conditions might be in the new place of residence, they cannot be any worse than the previous miserable situation they are escaping. What do you do when there is no hope of work, no hope of rain, no sight of relief, and starvation is closing in on you from all directions? What do you do when you must feed your child leaves in order to soothe the hunger? What do you do as $11 million (only a fraction of what was needed) in aid relief comes trickling in to your country 9 months after the fact, and by then the proposed $1 per person is now $80 because it is a lot more expensive to treat someone that is suffering from starvation. Oh yeah, and the site where they were handing out food is 20 miles away and you’re starving to death, so you are too weak to make the journey. I wonder if the tears are gone, if they have run out. If all that remains is the quiet desperation to simply not starve to death, because who will take care of your family if you are gone. But there really are few options by the time you reach the point of starvation, because even if there was a job to be had, you’re too weak and sick to work.
What is starvation:
Merriam Webster says:
Starve- to perish from lack of food; to suffer exteme hunger; to kill with hunger; to deprive of nourishment; to cause to capitulate by or as if by depriving of nourishment; to destroy by or cause to suffer from deprivation
www.merck.com states that starvation is the most severe form of malnutrition. In an effort to obtain energy the body will use its own tissue as a source of energy. This results in the destruction of visceral organs and muscle as all of the fat gets used up.
They are starving… or are we starving them? They are starving. We are not. We stuff ourselves with ridiculous portions of food. But, they are starving. We spend insane amounts of money on clothes, electronics, pets, cars, houses, hobbies, and the list goes on and on. They are starving. We don’t help. They are starving. I go buy myself another $4 frapacchino at Starbucks. They are starving. We are starving them.
Albert Einstein said, “The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”
The Bible says, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” James 4:17
I don’t know what the answer is. It’s such a huge problem. Where to begin? Maybe begin with caring… maybe care a little less about who Brad Pitt is dating and a little more about human beings that are slowly wasting away from starvation. And, then, maybe caring will lead to action, to radical lifestyle changes that say just because I can afford it does not mean that I should have it.
The article says, “Driven by poverty and dreams of a better life in Europe and elsewhere, thousands of Africans leave their homelands every year on hazardous clandestine journeys by land and sea. But hundreds drown or die in the attempt.”
The EU warned that immigration is a “time bomb” and of course the proposed solution to this is to form a joint Mediterranean security force to combat human trafficking, which is good because that would prevent deaths at sea, but it does nothing to fix the root of the problem, the reason why people are willing to risk their lives.
So, that’s right, it’s a time bomb. We have to keep them down. Keep them in their fenced off portion of hell on earth. Out of sight, out of mind. The condition of the human spirit so down-trodden and discouraged, that one is willing to risk his life that MAYBE, POSSIBLY he could find work in another place. Having knowledge that no matter how dismal conditions might be in the new place of residence, they cannot be any worse than the previous miserable situation they are escaping. What do you do when there is no hope of work, no hope of rain, no sight of relief, and starvation is closing in on you from all directions? What do you do when you must feed your child leaves in order to soothe the hunger? What do you do as $11 million (only a fraction of what was needed) in aid relief comes trickling in to your country 9 months after the fact, and by then the proposed $1 per person is now $80 because it is a lot more expensive to treat someone that is suffering from starvation. Oh yeah, and the site where they were handing out food is 20 miles away and you’re starving to death, so you are too weak to make the journey. I wonder if the tears are gone, if they have run out. If all that remains is the quiet desperation to simply not starve to death, because who will take care of your family if you are gone. But there really are few options by the time you reach the point of starvation, because even if there was a job to be had, you’re too weak and sick to work.
What is starvation:
Merriam Webster says:
Starve- to perish from lack of food; to suffer exteme hunger; to kill with hunger; to deprive of nourishment; to cause to capitulate by or as if by depriving of nourishment; to destroy by or cause to suffer from deprivation
www.merck.com states that starvation is the most severe form of malnutrition. In an effort to obtain energy the body will use its own tissue as a source of energy. This results in the destruction of visceral organs and muscle as all of the fat gets used up.
They are starving… or are we starving them? They are starving. We are not. We stuff ourselves with ridiculous portions of food. But, they are starving. We spend insane amounts of money on clothes, electronics, pets, cars, houses, hobbies, and the list goes on and on. They are starving. We don’t help. They are starving. I go buy myself another $4 frapacchino at Starbucks. They are starving. We are starving them.
Albert Einstein said, “The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”
The Bible says, “Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” James 4:17
I don’t know what the answer is. It’s such a huge problem. Where to begin? Maybe begin with caring… maybe care a little less about who Brad Pitt is dating and a little more about human beings that are slowly wasting away from starvation. And, then, maybe caring will lead to action, to radical lifestyle changes that say just because I can afford it does not mean that I should have it.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Words cannot express
Words cannot express how much I love Sol! Sol is my niece, and of course words cannot express how much I love my nephews too, but I want to talk about Sol specifically right now. Jarrod and Ally are starting the process to adopt her, and I would appreciate prayers that the process will go smoothly and that soon Sol will legally be a Brown. I only get to see her about once a year, and I can't imagine my life without her! She is just the cutest and sweetest little girl with the biggest brown eyes.
Friday, February 24, 2006
Taking Time
In the hospital and, I think, in general in life it’s easy to get annoyed with someone and then write that person of as hostile or demanding. However, if you make the extra effort to smile and be nice and ask about them and their day and if you have a little bit of patience, you will find that these people are not what they initially seemed. They, too, are somebody’s mother, sister, brother, or husband. They have a life somewhere else, and in that moment, when you first encounter each other, they may be grumpy, but we all get grumpy some times. It’s a lot easier to work with someone when the atmosphere is pleasant, and it only takes 30 seconds to set the tone for the rest of the day or evening. For instance, when a new nurse comes on shift, if she’s in a hurry and enters a patient’s room and he needs something and requests it in a demanding way, the nurse has a split second in which to decide if she will reply with kindness or animosity. And those 30 seconds will determine the rest of the day and the following days of care, because both parties will have decided that the other is kind or rude. People like it when they realize that you care. They really do. Maybe some people’s demeanors won’t completely change, because they are going through a bad time, but the relationship is different when it is based on care and respect. It doesn’t even take being hostile or rude to make a person feel bad. It can just be you in a hurry, not really listening to what the other is saying, not really caring how the other is feeling; it can just be you wanting to move on to your next task. That’s something that is so simple, but it’s really easy to get caught up in. Maybe I’m just young and idealistic… but if that is what it is, then I want to stay that way forever! A lot of us nursing students are that way. We notice different things we see in the hospital and it’s hard for us to understand how healthcare professionals can act the way they do sometimes. Surely at some point, they were also idealistic and truly cared about the people they worked with. I pray that my heart will not become calloused from years of service and that I will be able to (as Darcy says) look at people through my “Jesus goggles” and see them as the children of God that they are. Here’s a poem that I like that my boyfriend found and sent to me. I don’t know who it’s by, but the author of the chapter that the poem is found in is Richard C. Simmons, M.D. and the title of the chapter is “The Importance of Understanding Human Behavior to the Practicing Physician.”
What do you see nurses, what do you see?
Are you thinking when you are looking at me--
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes.
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice—“I do wish you’d try.”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.
Who unresisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding the long day to fill.
Is that what you are thinking—is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still;
As I do at you bidding, as I eat at your will,
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sister, who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet;
A bride soon at twenty—my heart gives a leap.
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;
At twenty-five now I have young of my own,
Who need me to build a secure, happy home;
A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last;
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty, once more babies play round my knee.
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread,
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.
I’m an old woman now and nature is cruel—
Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart,
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells,
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I’m loving and living life over again.
I think of the years all too few—gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact the nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see
Not a crabby old woman, look closer, see me!
What do you see nurses, what do you see?
Are you thinking when you are looking at me--
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes.
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice—“I do wish you’d try.”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.
Who unresisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding the long day to fill.
Is that what you are thinking—is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, you’re not looking at me.
I’ll tell you who I am as I sit here so still;
As I do at you bidding, as I eat at your will,
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sister, who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet;
A bride soon at twenty—my heart gives a leap.
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;
At twenty-five now I have young of my own,
Who need me to build a secure, happy home;
A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last;
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn.
At fifty, once more babies play round my knee.
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread,
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known.
I’m an old woman now and nature is cruel—
Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart,
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells,
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I’m loving and living life over again.
I think of the years all too few—gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact the nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see
Not a crabby old woman, look closer, see me!
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Hospital
Each week our professor assigns each of us a patient in the hospital that we have to do a careplan on. What's a careplan you might ask. Well, it's this handy dandy instrument they use to make us think through what we're doing so that one day it will all just pop into our heads in a matter of seconds but at the moment, it is a 22 page pain in the neck. So, the man that I was assigned to this week is such a lovely old man! He's just great. I didn't want this week's clinical days to be over because I wanted to continue taking care of him! The woman I had last week was really sweet too, but she wasn't quite as cognizant as this man, and so I didn't get into any big conversations with her. There was this other man that I had to help take care of too, and he has mild dimensia, but he just LOVED it whenever anyone came around (his family was often there visiting too) and would just go on and on about how pretty and nice everyone was. He was a hoot. So, I don't really have a point to this entry except that I just love taking care of these people!
Monday, February 06, 2006
New Language
I was studying for a test yesterday, and as I was reading it dawned on me that one of the sentences I had just read would have made NO sense to me 8 months ago. I mean, seriously, there were like 5 words connected together with words like "and," "is," and "or." And those 3 words would have been the ONLY words that I would have known the meaning to 8 months ago. It's amazing! I love it! It's a whole other language. Now I'm fluent in English and Spanish and pretty good at Medical too! Woowhoo!
Friday, February 03, 2006
Homeless
I think that the lecture I heard said that people that are of middle socioeconomic status are 2 events away from being homeless (maybe it was 3, but I’m pretty sure it was 2). It could be an illness and a lost job. I could be a death in the family and a natural disaster. Whatever it is, most people in the middle are unknowingly teetering precariously at such a status. That puts things in perspective a little more. It’s not impossible to become homeless—you don’t have to be a drug addict or teenage runaway to end up there. All that needs to happen is a series of unfortunate events.
A homeless man that went to Cross and Crown (an inner city ministry in Oklahoma City) a lot, got frostbite on his legs the other night and they had to amputate from about mid-calf down. So, the man was already homeless, and now he has to deal with losing his feet. How is he supposed to find a job in the midst of this?
A woman came into Cross and Crown to get a prescription filled for her husband (he was at work). They had become homeless the day before. We prayed for her and told her where to go to get the prescription filled for free and then gave her some food. There are special bags of food for the homeless there, full of food that doesn’t need to be cooked and cans that have tops that can be popped off.
I did an ER rotation in clinical last week, and it was interesting to see what the years of work had done to some of the people. Some of them were so cynical and didn’t seem to really care anymore. A lot of the people that came in were on Medicaid or had no insurance and one of the PA’s and a nurse really were upset that these people should receive care too. I understand where they’re coming from, I guess. They’ve been working there for years, and they see people come in that are not having an emergency but care is free at the ER and they can’t turn anyone away, and they see the taxes taken out of their paycheck every week after they have worked really hard and they don’t think that it’s fair. And it’s not. But it’s not fair for the person that’s on Medicaid either.
I know that some people on Medicaid aren’t trying to get off of it. I know that there are people that take advantage of the system. But I also know that there are people on Medicaid that are working hard just trying to make end’s meat. I know that there are people that have made bad financial decisions in their lives and have dug themselves into holes, but maybe they didn’t have a daddy teaching them all about that stuff as they grew up. Or maybe their dads taught them their bad habits. I’m sure that they would prefer not to be on Medicaid, if they too could have a nice job where they could make enough money to not have to choose between paying for electricity or medical insurance or food. But many don’t know how. They’ve never been taught. And so they live the only way they know how.
A homeless man that went to Cross and Crown (an inner city ministry in Oklahoma City) a lot, got frostbite on his legs the other night and they had to amputate from about mid-calf down. So, the man was already homeless, and now he has to deal with losing his feet. How is he supposed to find a job in the midst of this?
A woman came into Cross and Crown to get a prescription filled for her husband (he was at work). They had become homeless the day before. We prayed for her and told her where to go to get the prescription filled for free and then gave her some food. There are special bags of food for the homeless there, full of food that doesn’t need to be cooked and cans that have tops that can be popped off.
I did an ER rotation in clinical last week, and it was interesting to see what the years of work had done to some of the people. Some of them were so cynical and didn’t seem to really care anymore. A lot of the people that came in were on Medicaid or had no insurance and one of the PA’s and a nurse really were upset that these people should receive care too. I understand where they’re coming from, I guess. They’ve been working there for years, and they see people come in that are not having an emergency but care is free at the ER and they can’t turn anyone away, and they see the taxes taken out of their paycheck every week after they have worked really hard and they don’t think that it’s fair. And it’s not. But it’s not fair for the person that’s on Medicaid either.
I know that some people on Medicaid aren’t trying to get off of it. I know that there are people that take advantage of the system. But I also know that there are people on Medicaid that are working hard just trying to make end’s meat. I know that there are people that have made bad financial decisions in their lives and have dug themselves into holes, but maybe they didn’t have a daddy teaching them all about that stuff as they grew up. Or maybe their dads taught them their bad habits. I’m sure that they would prefer not to be on Medicaid, if they too could have a nice job where they could make enough money to not have to choose between paying for electricity or medical insurance or food. But many don’t know how. They’ve never been taught. And so they live the only way they know how.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Mexican Presidential Race and More
The Mexican presidential race is on right now, and one thing the candidates have in common is that they want to make the economy in Mexico better in order to decrease migration to the U.S. People in the U.S. also want to decrease the amount of illegal immigrants, but they want to do so by pouring money into a wall to be built in California, New Mexico, and Texas, and by hiring police and military to guard it.... Hello!!!! These people would gladly stay in their native country if they could get a good job there! If people want to decrease immigration, then the U.S. should help bolster the Mexican economy and invest their money in Mexico and not in some useless fence across the U.S. Plus, it's not like a fence is going to be able to keep everyone out. The more deplorable conditions become in Mexico, the more desperate the Mexicans will become, and no wall will keep a man that has no hope left in his native country from risking his life in order to find a better one in the U.S. I also have problems with the idea that since I was born here in the U.S., I deserve more opportunities than the person that was born not too far away, but across the Rio Grande. I know that this is not how a country operates, but shouldn't it be how a Christian operates? How christian can a government really be, since in order to exist it must be exclusive and put itself first in every situation? This directly contradicts the ideals of Christianity. And while we're on the topic, the amount of Christians that think that they deserve more simply because they are Americans astounds me, but I guess it should not astound me, because we do that on a more personal level too. For instance, many times people will only help even their friends once their own lives are in complete order and they have accomplished all of their own personal goals or are well on their way to doing so. Why would I think that we would be any different on an international level?
Just the other day a Christian lady was talking to me, and she started talking about all of the lost souls in the U.S. Then she said something like, “We ought to bring back all the missionaries and save our own country first!” WHAT?! I could not believe this statement for several reasons:
1) American souls are NOT more important that other souls. People in other countries need to hear the Good News too!
2) Missionaries that have gone abroad have not done so on a simple whim, but rather they have gone because they have felt God calling them to do so. They have been given a passion to minister in the culture they have gone to and have been given unique gifts to do so.
3) There are LOADS of Christians in the U.S. just passing the time by filling a pew on Sundays. Why don’t we ignite a passion in our churches here to minister to the people in the U.S.? Doesn’t it make sense to teach people that are already Christians to act like Christians?
I know that there is a huge mission field in the U.S. that needs to be ministered to, and I admire the people that recognize that and are motivated to work within that field, but I don’t enjoy it when people are so ethnocentric that they do not recognize the need for missionaries to also “go unto all the world.” I’m fine with me going and other people staying, but so many people just can’t understand why anyone would go. Of course some people should go and some people should stay. That’s the way it works! We have been given different gifts. And no matter where we are geographically, we should recognize our brotherhood in Christ BEFORE we recognize any geographical bond to others. I do not pledge my allegiance to the United States of America. I pledge my allegiance to God! God is always good and always just, but the U.S. only is sometimes. I believe that I have been very blessed to be born in the U.S. and I am aware that because of my birth location I have received many opportunities. I am happy that I was born here, but I do not put this country above my love for God’s children. That makes me think of that old song that goes, “This world is not my home, I’m just a passin’ through…” Why are so many of us connected so fiercely to a country, but we are not that passionate about our place in the family of Christ?
Just the other day a Christian lady was talking to me, and she started talking about all of the lost souls in the U.S. Then she said something like, “We ought to bring back all the missionaries and save our own country first!” WHAT?! I could not believe this statement for several reasons:
1) American souls are NOT more important that other souls. People in other countries need to hear the Good News too!
2) Missionaries that have gone abroad have not done so on a simple whim, but rather they have gone because they have felt God calling them to do so. They have been given a passion to minister in the culture they have gone to and have been given unique gifts to do so.
3) There are LOADS of Christians in the U.S. just passing the time by filling a pew on Sundays. Why don’t we ignite a passion in our churches here to minister to the people in the U.S.? Doesn’t it make sense to teach people that are already Christians to act like Christians?
I know that there is a huge mission field in the U.S. that needs to be ministered to, and I admire the people that recognize that and are motivated to work within that field, but I don’t enjoy it when people are so ethnocentric that they do not recognize the need for missionaries to also “go unto all the world.” I’m fine with me going and other people staying, but so many people just can’t understand why anyone would go. Of course some people should go and some people should stay. That’s the way it works! We have been given different gifts. And no matter where we are geographically, we should recognize our brotherhood in Christ BEFORE we recognize any geographical bond to others. I do not pledge my allegiance to the United States of America. I pledge my allegiance to God! God is always good and always just, but the U.S. only is sometimes. I believe that I have been very blessed to be born in the U.S. and I am aware that because of my birth location I have received many opportunities. I am happy that I was born here, but I do not put this country above my love for God’s children. That makes me think of that old song that goes, “This world is not my home, I’m just a passin’ through…” Why are so many of us connected so fiercely to a country, but we are not that passionate about our place in the family of Christ?
Monday, January 16, 2006
Movie Ratings
I went and saw Zorro today. When I went to see the movie, I had no idea what the rating was. I think I assumed it was PG-13 and as the movie went on, I thought that it must be PG-13, but there were so many little kids in the theater that I thought surely not that many parents take their 7 and 8 year olds to see PG-13 movies! So, when the movie ended I checked out the rating, and it was PG, but they use cus words a couple of times in the movie (but I guess those words aren't considered cus words anymore because you can also hear them on TV), and there was quite a bit a violence. Although there wasn't tons of blood and they definitely didn't just outright kill people as much as a PG-13 movie would, they did kill people and it did show blood. I mean, people were blown up. They didn't show the results of the explosion though. You just knew that the people were dead. Plus, it had some pretty intense parts in it. It just made me glad that I don't have kids yet and so I don't have to deal with movie ratings that are not actually indicative of the content.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Psalm 121
Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
This psalm really stuck out to me this weekend. I think it's because although I strive to be this independent young woman with an occasional "I can do anything you can do better" attitude, at the end of the day, I know that I am not actually that liberated and want desperately for someone to take care of me. I think that this comes in part from being the baby of the family and also, lots of girls want a guy to take care of them. I depend so much on my dad for advice about nearly everything. He's a good dad. He's constantly trying to make me be more independent, but I still always want to know what his opinion is, and I would love it if he would make all my business type phone calls for me and pay all my bills and take my car to get everything done to it, but he knows that I need to grow up, and so he pushes me to do the things I dread. If my dad isn't taking care of me, then I also have a big brother looking out for me. I think every girl should be lucky enough to have an older brother, because they are truly a gift from God. And, if my dad and brother aren't around, and some problem occurs that seems like something guys would know about, then I want to call my boyfriend. It's that protector role that is seemingly a guy role that I think attracts me to them for things that overwhelm me or I don't understand. If thinking about needing someone to help take care of me right now wasn't enough, I also think about how I need to have at least 2 kids in the future so I'll have someone to take care of me when I'm old. That comes to mind because of everything going on with Ganny right now. I found Psalm 121 particularly comforting this weekend, because there is someone that's going to take care of me always, right now and when I'm old. Plus, God is always going to be right there with me. I had a particularly traumatizing event happen on Thursday. As I was getting ready to leave Houston to drive to Dallas I noticed that my tires looked low on air (and that's a miracle that I would even notice that!). The traumatizing part of this is that I had to go to the service station all by myself to put more air in them. Of course this was only after several phone calls to my dad in Houston. That's the whole story... my tires needed more air, and so I put more in them. I know, I'm a dork, but I had never done that before, and I really just wanted someone to do it for me! My point is that, I had to do it myself, and I'm sure that there are going to be many more things like this as the years pass on and I may or may not have someone there to help me or talk me through it over the phone. So, I read this psalm on Saturday and it really meant a lot to me. Forget about the whole dumb tire thing now. That was an insignificant event that set me on a train of thought that took me well beyond putting air in tires. It carried me to all the places I may go and situations I might encounter in the years ahead of me. It took me to the daunting task of having to live life and try not to mess up myself or someone else too much along the way. I imagined myself in a far away country with problems bigger than tires occuring and me not knowing what to do, and I pictured myself old, losing my mind, and not being able to take care of myself anymore. But then I read Psalm 121, and felt the weight being lifted from my shoulders. It's such a simple thing, and I know I've read the psalm before, but it just meant so much to me this weekend. I don't have to worry! I don't need to have an earthly man around to protect me (although I appreciate them greatly!). God is going to give me the resources I need which may come in the form of my daddy, some stranger, another woman, or simply God holding my hand along the way and no other earthly person along for the ride. Any way he chooses to do it though, I'll be fine. So, yeah, I need to be more independent, but I get to be completely dependent on God.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
This psalm really stuck out to me this weekend. I think it's because although I strive to be this independent young woman with an occasional "I can do anything you can do better" attitude, at the end of the day, I know that I am not actually that liberated and want desperately for someone to take care of me. I think that this comes in part from being the baby of the family and also, lots of girls want a guy to take care of them. I depend so much on my dad for advice about nearly everything. He's a good dad. He's constantly trying to make me be more independent, but I still always want to know what his opinion is, and I would love it if he would make all my business type phone calls for me and pay all my bills and take my car to get everything done to it, but he knows that I need to grow up, and so he pushes me to do the things I dread. If my dad isn't taking care of me, then I also have a big brother looking out for me. I think every girl should be lucky enough to have an older brother, because they are truly a gift from God. And, if my dad and brother aren't around, and some problem occurs that seems like something guys would know about, then I want to call my boyfriend. It's that protector role that is seemingly a guy role that I think attracts me to them for things that overwhelm me or I don't understand. If thinking about needing someone to help take care of me right now wasn't enough, I also think about how I need to have at least 2 kids in the future so I'll have someone to take care of me when I'm old. That comes to mind because of everything going on with Ganny right now. I found Psalm 121 particularly comforting this weekend, because there is someone that's going to take care of me always, right now and when I'm old. Plus, God is always going to be right there with me. I had a particularly traumatizing event happen on Thursday. As I was getting ready to leave Houston to drive to Dallas I noticed that my tires looked low on air (and that's a miracle that I would even notice that!). The traumatizing part of this is that I had to go to the service station all by myself to put more air in them. Of course this was only after several phone calls to my dad in Houston. That's the whole story... my tires needed more air, and so I put more in them. I know, I'm a dork, but I had never done that before, and I really just wanted someone to do it for me! My point is that, I had to do it myself, and I'm sure that there are going to be many more things like this as the years pass on and I may or may not have someone there to help me or talk me through it over the phone. So, I read this psalm on Saturday and it really meant a lot to me. Forget about the whole dumb tire thing now. That was an insignificant event that set me on a train of thought that took me well beyond putting air in tires. It carried me to all the places I may go and situations I might encounter in the years ahead of me. It took me to the daunting task of having to live life and try not to mess up myself or someone else too much along the way. I imagined myself in a far away country with problems bigger than tires occuring and me not knowing what to do, and I pictured myself old, losing my mind, and not being able to take care of myself anymore. But then I read Psalm 121, and felt the weight being lifted from my shoulders. It's such a simple thing, and I know I've read the psalm before, but it just meant so much to me this weekend. I don't have to worry! I don't need to have an earthly man around to protect me (although I appreciate them greatly!). God is going to give me the resources I need which may come in the form of my daddy, some stranger, another woman, or simply God holding my hand along the way and no other earthly person along for the ride. Any way he chooses to do it though, I'll be fine. So, yeah, I need to be more independent, but I get to be completely dependent on God.
Monday, January 09, 2006
About Ganny again
Ganny said that she didn’t know how to get in touch with Gene today… Gene is my grandfather that died 9 years ago. She’s never said anything like that before. She constantly repeats the same sentence over and over, forgetting what she has just said two seconds before, but she’s never forgotten that Poppy is dead. She was talking to Jarrod, and he was like, “Who?” She said, “Gene,” and he was like, “Who?” And she said, “Gene Brown!” Then Jarrod told her Poppy passed away a long time ago, and she said, “Oh I’m confused.” I can’t imagine! She thought Poppy was alive, but she didn’t know where he was or how to get in contact with him. How terribly frightening and confusing for her! It makes me cry. I don’t want her to lose her mind. I don’t want my parents to lose their mind one day, and I don’t want to lose my mind either. I think the process of losing it would be the worst part, while you still realize that you are losing it, but you can’t do anything about it.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Preacher said
The preacher said today that for the year 2006 to give up to God your biggest worry, your biggest regret, and your biggest fear. Seems like simple advice... the thing about it is, that initially I wasn't really thinking that I had any of those, but then if I look closer at my life and my actions, I do have them. I suppose everyone does, maybe some bear these burdens more heavily than others, but we still have them. I don't want to. I want to give them up.
mental illness
Rigoberto Alpizar was shot about a month ago in a Miami airport after claiming that he had a bomb. It turns out that he didn’t have a bomb and that all he had is a mental illness called bipolar disorder. Passengers said that the couple looked suspicious getting on the plane and that the woman was very agitated. Well, of course she was! Trying to keep someone in a manic phase of bipolar disorder from doing something is difficult! His neighbors were quoted as saying that the description of Rigoberto’s actions didn’t fit their perceptions of who this man is. Of couse not. Because when people who are bipolar take their medication, they can be just like you and me. I know someone that has bipolar disorder and you would NEVER suspect it unless told about it. I guess the story and the tragicness of it all really hit home with me right now, because I just got done doing a six week rotation at a mental hospital last semester. This is a rotation that I was not looking forward to, and I thought that I had no interest in mental illness beforehand. As it turns out, I think that it is extremely important for society to be informed about mental illness. It is not a hopeless situation with a primary support group for the person, but without this support, it does seem like a losing battle with an endless cycle of hospitalizations.
We have a tendency to view mental illness as something people can merely snap out of or as an illness that is the person’s own fault. However, a lot of different factors go into why people become mentally ill (some of which are genetic) and it is a long road to recovery. Some people never fully recover but instead learn to live with the illness and they use medicine to lessen the symptoms. I think we all learned a little about that from the movie, A Beautiful Mind. It seems to me that Christians in particular should be involved with starting community programs for the mentally ill and having buddy systems where you can be paired with someone who is mentally ill. I say this because I think that the mentally ill are the rejects of society today, and aren’t we called as Christians to have compassion on those rejected by everyone else?
Part of the reason we don’t do this is because we don’t know about the mentally ill. I didn’t really know about them until I had to learn about them in school, and then I didn’t REALLY know about them until I had to work with them for six weeks. Second, I think that we are scared of them. Third, I think that we simply don’t know what to do or where to start. I have some vague ideas of stuff we could do, but no real plan to put into action. Plus, tackling an issue like this is a long term endeavor and complicated. We like things that take little commitment. We like to throw out some money and feel warm and fuzzy about it. Don’t get me wrong, giving money is great, but giving time can be equally as valuable, because broken lives are not healed through money alone but also through a personal relationship with God and connections with loving people. Money is needed for resources, but people’s time is needed in order to put those resources to use.
One man I worked with a lot at the hospital is of particular interest to me. He made me wonder how I would react if he showed up at my church tomorrow. How do we react to people that are acting outside of the ranges of “normal”? I think that we avoid them most of the time. Maybe we’re civil towards them if we have to interact with them, but we certainly don’t warmly embrace them and welcome them into our inner circle. That just makes life too difficult, and if we don’t understand why someone is acting how they are, we’re scared.
Since I started learning more about mental illness, I have had to grapple with where this fits within my faith. How can freewill and mental illness coexist? If someone is doomed to be schizophrenic from birth, how can they have free will? Well, people are not necessarily doomed to every mental illness. According to the transactional theory (which is what I tend to agree with) many different factors cause an end result of mental illness, but many times a lot of those factors were elements outside of the person’s realm of control. For instance, the child that is born with a genetic predisposition and has an abusive childhood, resulting in poor coping mechanisms, suffers from some kind of life stressor at age 18 (this stressor can be anything… think about what makes you stress in any given week), if the stressor happens at a time when coping mechanisms are down or nonexistent, a psychotic break results, and once you get schizophrenia, you’re always going to need medicine, and a lot of people still suffer from symptoms of the disease even when they are on the medication. Mental illness is difficult when it comes to understanding it within the confines of my faith because it distorts people’s perceptions of their environment, resulting in actions that would not otherwise occur. Sure, the person has the freewill to react how they please, but when they literally hear a voice that seems real constantly telling them to hurt themselves or hurt someone else or their eyes see someone, when nobody is actually there, how responsible for their actions are they? These people are reacting to false perceptions, so although they are making their own decisions, these decisions are not based on reality. However, some deeply religious and spiritual people are those that have the most severe forms of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I suppose that this is proof that free will does still exist within mental illness. These people rely heavily on God to get them through their mental illness, because they understand that God is the ultimate healer and that medical knowledge and medicine can do no more for them. Some would argue that God is doing nothing too, but that is not true. Faith serves as an important coping mechanism and we can really never know how bad the illness would be without it. Also, even if the disease is no better or no worse in this life because of their faith, their faith does give them a reason to have hope and to go on, and that is extremely important for chronic conditions that are severely impairing.
We have a tendency to view mental illness as something people can merely snap out of or as an illness that is the person’s own fault. However, a lot of different factors go into why people become mentally ill (some of which are genetic) and it is a long road to recovery. Some people never fully recover but instead learn to live with the illness and they use medicine to lessen the symptoms. I think we all learned a little about that from the movie, A Beautiful Mind. It seems to me that Christians in particular should be involved with starting community programs for the mentally ill and having buddy systems where you can be paired with someone who is mentally ill. I say this because I think that the mentally ill are the rejects of society today, and aren’t we called as Christians to have compassion on those rejected by everyone else?
Part of the reason we don’t do this is because we don’t know about the mentally ill. I didn’t really know about them until I had to learn about them in school, and then I didn’t REALLY know about them until I had to work with them for six weeks. Second, I think that we are scared of them. Third, I think that we simply don’t know what to do or where to start. I have some vague ideas of stuff we could do, but no real plan to put into action. Plus, tackling an issue like this is a long term endeavor and complicated. We like things that take little commitment. We like to throw out some money and feel warm and fuzzy about it. Don’t get me wrong, giving money is great, but giving time can be equally as valuable, because broken lives are not healed through money alone but also through a personal relationship with God and connections with loving people. Money is needed for resources, but people’s time is needed in order to put those resources to use.
One man I worked with a lot at the hospital is of particular interest to me. He made me wonder how I would react if he showed up at my church tomorrow. How do we react to people that are acting outside of the ranges of “normal”? I think that we avoid them most of the time. Maybe we’re civil towards them if we have to interact with them, but we certainly don’t warmly embrace them and welcome them into our inner circle. That just makes life too difficult, and if we don’t understand why someone is acting how they are, we’re scared.
Since I started learning more about mental illness, I have had to grapple with where this fits within my faith. How can freewill and mental illness coexist? If someone is doomed to be schizophrenic from birth, how can they have free will? Well, people are not necessarily doomed to every mental illness. According to the transactional theory (which is what I tend to agree with) many different factors cause an end result of mental illness, but many times a lot of those factors were elements outside of the person’s realm of control. For instance, the child that is born with a genetic predisposition and has an abusive childhood, resulting in poor coping mechanisms, suffers from some kind of life stressor at age 18 (this stressor can be anything… think about what makes you stress in any given week), if the stressor happens at a time when coping mechanisms are down or nonexistent, a psychotic break results, and once you get schizophrenia, you’re always going to need medicine, and a lot of people still suffer from symptoms of the disease even when they are on the medication. Mental illness is difficult when it comes to understanding it within the confines of my faith because it distorts people’s perceptions of their environment, resulting in actions that would not otherwise occur. Sure, the person has the freewill to react how they please, but when they literally hear a voice that seems real constantly telling them to hurt themselves or hurt someone else or their eyes see someone, when nobody is actually there, how responsible for their actions are they? These people are reacting to false perceptions, so although they are making their own decisions, these decisions are not based on reality. However, some deeply religious and spiritual people are those that have the most severe forms of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. I suppose that this is proof that free will does still exist within mental illness. These people rely heavily on God to get them through their mental illness, because they understand that God is the ultimate healer and that medical knowledge and medicine can do no more for them. Some would argue that God is doing nothing too, but that is not true. Faith serves as an important coping mechanism and we can really never know how bad the illness would be without it. Also, even if the disease is no better or no worse in this life because of their faith, their faith does give them a reason to have hope and to go on, and that is extremely important for chronic conditions that are severely impairing.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Ganny
What is it like to forget two minutes after the fact that your family was just there to see you? What is it like to go to the grocery store and not be able to remember what you picked up on the previous isle? What is it like to know that you cannot take care of yourself but you cannot remember that someone else is taking care of you? What is it like to not be able to remember that someone did visit you today and that you have not been isolated alone in your house the whole week? My sweet grandmother, Ganny, is quite forgetful these days. Sometimes her constant worrying and repetitions can be frustrating and annoying, but then I feel bad because I’m sure that they are frustrating and annoying for her too, because I know she realizes that her memory is not what it used to be. I don’t know if she realizes just exactly how bad her memory is now, but maybe it would be better if she didn’t, because her biggest fear as she has been growing older is that her mind would go the way her mother’s did. But sometimes, I think she needs to be told just how far gone she is (not that she would remember the conversation) because she gets mad about things that haven’t really happened or happened in a different way than she remembers, she loses large amounts of money (but gets mad if she can’t have the money she wants) and she thinks that she should still be able to drive. My parents are getting ready to move to Atlanta and they’re taking my grandmother with them. This is causing a great deal of anxiety for Ganny and she calls constantly, wondering how to pack, or she thinks that my mom has already gone to Georgia, or she thinks that my parents are moving first and that she will be in Houston for a while by herself and then they are coming back for her. My parents keep telling her that she has nothing to worry about, that they’re packing her up, and that she’s riding with my mom to Atlanta. She’s also very concerned about her medicine. Usually my dad takes care of her medicine, but he has already gone to Atlanta, and so my mom is doing it, but Ganny apparently does not trust my mom to take care of everything. She also constantly worries about not having enough money and her mind must be stuck back in the Great Depression because she has plenty of money now. I feel sad for her because she is not a peace and is very lonely inspite of a loving family taking care of her and visiting her. I hope that I die before I lose my mind. It seems like all too often the healthcare system fights so hard to simply keep a body functioning, when the person that the body belongs to no longer exists. I do not want to be pumped full of food and medicines when I’m old (or now, if I was in some kind of accident) for the sake of saying that I’m “alive,” when the real me has long since vanished.
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